Tis the season for viral commencement speeches, when celebrities from the D-list all the way up to, oh, Bill Clinton, tell college grads how to reach for the stars and find their way in this world and use sunscreen. Our favorite speech of all time remains David Foster Wallace's "This Is Water," which he delivered at Kenyon College in 2005. (Watch it here, or get it as a miniature coffee table book here.)
Believe it or not, most commencement speakers won't tell you how to make long-term monogamy work, or what the etiquette is for post-college booty calling. So while we are decidedly below D-list status, we would like to share our (Huffington Post) advice for heading out into the big, bad, real world.
1. Dating gets better. We know you've been told that college years are the best years of your life, and this may be true when it comes to, say, drinking until you fall over and facing zero repercussions when you sleep until four the next afternoon. But it's not true when it comes to dating. Your best dating years are ahead of you. Sure, you will experience some horrendous first dates -- probably many. And we're fairly sure you will also suffer at least one heart-rending breakup -- an experience so bad that you will want to curl up in a ball in your bathtub and never come out. But, in general, people in their 20s and 30s are much better at dating than college kids. For one thing: They actually date.
2. Monogamy doesn't come naturally. It takes work. If you decide that monogamy is for you -- and we highly recommend it -- then you're going to have to work to buttress it. In other words, don't put yourself in temptation's way -- no boozy late-night drinks with former booty calls.
3. Monogamy isn't for everyone. And that's okay. What's not okay is pretending you're good with monogamy, and then lying and cheating your way through a supposedly monogamous relationship. If you're not ready to be with just one person -- and maybe you'll never be ready for this -- then explore the possibilities of non-monogamy. Like monogamy, it has many pros, and like monogamy, it takes work.
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